Independent Mother Series: Introducing Jessica

Following the success of my last series, I decided that I wanted to share the stories of other inspirational Independent Mothers. I know that there are so many strong Independent Mothers in the world with an incredible story to tell and that many people could benefit from hearing their stories.

I am hoping that this series will help you to realise that you are not alone, you are much stronger than you think and that you will be able to navigate through this chapter in your life. It takes strength, perseverance and courage to get through, but I believe that you possess these qualities and much more!

I love to connect with Independent Mothers and to read everyone comments and stories about their own experiences with Motherhood.

If you would like to be involved in my Independent Mother series, please feel free to contact me at: hello@theresilientmum.com.

Now, I would like you all to meet Jessica who is such a beautiful, inspiring and motivated young woman. I love her work ethic and I hope you enjoy reading her very candid interview!

About Jessica.

"My name is Jessica and I am the person behind ThingsIAdore bridal. I am a mother to an amazing 3 year old girl call Ava (Chocolate bunny). We live in London. We both love all things fashion and we like posing for the camera. Being self employed gives me the opportunity to do what I love."

1. When did you find out you were expecting and did you know that you would be an Independent Mum?

"The pregnancy was planned but I was still nervous and excited at the same time. My daughter's dad and I were in a long term relationship so of course he was the first person I told about the pregnancy and so we started to make plans to welcome the baby. He said he was happy about the baby, however, towards the end of the pregnancy he seemed to be losing interest in us being a family. He stayed around for a while after the baby arrived. Becoming an Independent Mum was never part of the plan."

2. How did you settle into your new role as an Independent Mum?

"I was an Independent Mum from the start even though I was in a relationship, my daughter's father was not very active as a father. Actually, it was the frustration of me having to bear all the responsibilities that finally caused him and I to break up, and so that change in my circumstances didn't make any difference to my role as a mother at all, if anything I was just disappointed with my situation as I never planned to be an Independent Mum. Right now I am really enjoying motherhood more than ever, I am less stressed and more focused on myself and Ava’s well-being."

3. From your perspective, what are the joys and lows of being an Independent Mum to Ava?

"The joys of being an Independent Mother are endless, the best part is watching my daughter grow into her own person. Ava honestly amazes me daily with her character and her unconditional love is priceless.

My low point is that sometimes I feel overwhelmed being the only parent to a child who needs 2 parents. I am learning as I go along and the more confident I grow as a parent, I've learnt how to not be so hard on myself and Ava. We are both new at this and we are going to hit some bumps. In the beginning I felt I was losing myself being a new parent and handling difficult life situations. I used to lock myself in the house and avoid company. Now I am making the most out of my situation."

4. I understand that you chose to put Ava into a childcare establishment on a part time basis, what influenced your decision?

"At the moment Ava attends nursery part time and also comes to work with me. Both environments have a positive contribution to Ava's life and personality. At nursery she is able to have conversations with her peers and engage in educational projects. I have to say Ava’s nursery is amazing, she has developed in many areas, rather than if I had to teach alone, I wouldn’t have known where to start. When she’s at work she's always ready to take part and I am teaching her how to coordinate with her hands by teaching her how to use God’s eyes, so we can stitch pieces together. By exposing her to my positive work environment she will learn that hard work is needed to succeed."

5. Do you feel that there is enough support for Independent Mothers?

"I have a few friends who are also Independent Mothers, but with no family support. Often times a shoulder to cry on is just what they need as it can feel like a lonely journey whether alone or with family. I know there are several workshops, playgroups etc where mums can get together. I personally befriend all mums and take it upon myself if I can to offer any help I can. For me the help needed is help from other Independent Mums we truly know how hard it can be."

6. Who are your biggest supporters?

"My family as a whole are amazing, honestly I never feel I am on my own. I have my family members call me daily to pick up Ava up for a few hours so I can get some head space. My biggest supporter is my mum, she is truly amazing and has been with me from the start. I wouldn’t have got this far without her words of encouragement and help."

7. How has being an Independent Mother changed you?

"I would say just being a parent has changed my life, having Ava has made me accountable for my actions. I move with a lot of purpose now and only engage in positive thoughts and people."

8. What stereotypes have you faced as an Independent mother?

"People often think being an Independent Mother is a consequence for not being a good partner, loving drama , being bitter and not being able to do your part. At first I used to explain my situation but as time goes by my actions speak louder. If anyone has those thoughts, those are people I do not engage with. Things happen some people break up, some choose to become Independent Mothers. I have never understood why being an Independent Mother is such a negative thing. For me it’s not a life I chose, but I do it and I do it well. My mum was a single mum and I look at her as one of the strongest people ever, who can raise a child on their own? Only super heroes!"

9. What advice would you give to other women who have just become Independent Mothers?

"I would say not to be so hard on yourself and enjoy the precious moments with your children as they don’t last forever and lastly that you are amazing and can do this."

10. Please tell us more about Things I Adore Bridal?

"ThingsIAdore-Bridal (TIAB) is a bespoke bridal store based in London. We specialise in bespoke bridal wear. Our gowns are tailored to the bride-to-be’s inspirations, requirements and figure. We cater for all sizes, from the petite to the more voluptuous bride. We pride ourselves in offering a very high standard of service. We want our brides-to-be’s day to be memorable as far as her dress is concern as such our services are available until the bride is completely satisfied

We believe in excellencies, in our design, craftsmanship and customer service. All our gowns are hand-made to ensure every dress is made to perfection. Our Bridal boutique serve as a showroom where all our latest collections are on displayed.

Before I had my daughter, I worked for an organisation as a Buyer. At the end of my maternity leave I decided not to return to work. I couldn’t see myself combining full-time employment with being a new mum. My employers refused my application for a part time position, so I resigned. It was the best decision for my daughter and myself. I wanted to create a stress-free life whilst being a working mum but with hours that suited my family.

I have a flare for fashion and I dreamed about started my own business in retail. During my maternity leave I used to watch a lot of bridal shows and that is where I got many of my ideas for TIAB."

11. How do you make being a mother whilst running your business work for you?

"For me there’s no other choice but to succeed, I make it work with what I have. As I have said before I do have amazing family who step in from time to time and take Ava off of my hands so I can speak to clients but as Ava is getting older she is mostly at work with me meeting customers.

As for the challenges I face it is that there’s not enough hours in the day for me to complete everything, but these days I am not as hard on myself, as I truly believe I am doing my best. My key is being organised at all times. This way I truly get the most out of my day without stressing out."

12. What are the positives and negatives of running your own business?

"My biggest positive is being able to have a career, but being the Mum I want to be. The main reason why I became self-employed was that I wanted a life where I could schedule things around Ava.

The negatives is being self-employed is overwhelming , my finishing time doesn’t end when I leave work. I am always on the go, trying to find new ways to expand my business. I do end the day sometimes overworked."

13. What motivates you and who is your greatest inspiration?

"My biggest motivation is Ava and my biggest inspiration is my mum. My two favourite people in the world. I want to be able to literally call my mum and tell her to quit her job and for Ava to have no limit in whatever she wants to do."

14. What does a typical day in your shoes look like?

"A typical day in my shoes looks a little like this. I make it my main mission to wake up before Ava. This can make or break my day as I find it easier to do my daily list or small chores. I usually clean the house before I go to bed to get the cleaning out the way. Me and Ava spend the morning eating together and we have started to exercise in the morning (Zumba). Ava starts nursery at 1pm but I always book fittings for the morning so she can attend to absorb. After I pick her up from nursery we usually plan after school activities with her friends. If nothing is booked we go home and work on her ballet (Weekend classes) or do our arts and craft. We do not have a TV at home so we have daily activities in the house to keep her entertained but if she’s been really good, we always watch a movie together (on my laptop). Its 7pm and Ava is in bed. I tend to go back to work and catch up on anything I have missed or wasn't able to finish during the day. I do have a bed time of 11pm, before then I tidy up the house and wait for the day to start again."

15. What is your favourite thing to do after a long day to unwind?

"I love films or programmes I have watched many times before, I just need the white noise to relax me and clear my thoughts."

16. As a busy Mum, what are your must-have beauty products?

"At the moment I love Zaku lashes, they keep me looking fresh even when I don't feel like it. I couldn’t live without touché éclat from YSL and my concealer from mac. Essentially products for making me look human!"

17. What 5 items do you refuse to leave your house without?

"Salmon sandwiches for Ava, phone, laptop, water and foundation powder."

18. Finally, please tell us where we can find you on the internet? (

Personal Instagram: @Jessica_Akua

Business Instagram: @ThingsIAdorebridal

ThingsIAdore-Bridal Admin

www.ThingsIAdore.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ThingsIAdorePA

Twitter: https://twitter.com/iadorebridal

Instagram: https://instagram.com/thingsiadorebridal/

Email: ThingsIAdorebridal@outlook.com

Address: Pollards Studio 50 Montgomery Close, Mitcham CR4 1XT