Dealing with disappointment
disappointment
dɪsəˈpɔɪntm(ə)nt/
noun
sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfilment of one’s hopes or expectations.
“to her disappointment, there was no chance to talk privately with Luke”
synonyms: sadness, regret, dismay, sorrow;
antonyms: satisfaction, happiness
a person or thing that causes disappointment.
plural noun: disappointments
“the job proved a disappointment”
synonyms: failure, let-down, non-event, anticlimax;
At the beginning of this year, I had so much to look forward to. I was anticipating the birth of my daughter more than anything and I was excited to finally be finishing university after years of late nights and early mornings typing away to meet deadlines. Ultimately, I was looking forward to graduating and finally putting my years of studying and hard work behind me!
I received the results for my last ever university module yesterday and my face dropped from a smile to a frown. I did NOT receive the grade that I wanted and I felt really down as if I had failed. I looked at my daughter who was gleefully kicking away and making her cute little gurgling noises and I just paused. I knew that I put my all into my last assignment, I remember I often stayed up until early hours of the morning working on my assignment before she was born. At that time my daughter would be busy kicking my sides or tummy reminding me of her presence and I would sometimes be falling asleep at my laptop.
The truth is she is my biggest inspiration, she made me more determined to do my best. I know that one day she will grow up and she will have her own ideas about what she will want to do, but in some sense it motivated me more. I want her to look up to me and know that she can achieve all that she puts her mind to regardless of what is thrown her way. Despite my disappointment with my final result, I will always support her decisions and I will never force her to go to university if she doesn’t want to.
For me personally, I believe that choosing to go to university the way that I did also played a big part in my grades. Where I didn’t have the constant 1-1 support or advice, lectures were basically non existent and every tutor had their own ways of doing things for example referencing. One tutor would say that you should reference in such and such a way whereas the others would tell you that it was wrong, this was also rather frustrating.
When I actually think about the past four years I commend myself and many others who have faced so many different adversities, but picked themselves up and continued to strive. I encountered endless challenges and there were times when I cried because of the stress of it all, but nonetheless I pressed on knowing that this like everything in life will eventually come to an end.
The fact that I have reached the finishing line and completed my last module whilst being pregnant and being in and out of hospital is an achievement in itself. Many others are not as fortunate and end up dropping out, so never beat yourself up over your grades. Often others make a big deal regarding grades and can sometimes be unkind making you feel as if you’re a failure because you did not achieve the highest mark. However, what you must always remember is that all of these things shall one day pass away. God doesn’t look at us or judge us based on what humans think that we are capable of. These results are merely on a piece of paper and they do NOT define you! Don’t allow one bad grade to make you question yourself and your abilities because you and God alone knows what you’re able to accomplish. Take this as a stepping stone, a stepping stone to greatness!
I say all of this to say that everything we experience happens for a reason. Sometimes it happens because there’s lessons to be learnt. Even though I do feel a huge sense of disappointment I rest assured knowing that God’s will is done. I may never know why, but He does and that is all that matters.
With love,
Roxanne-Sasha x
